The Exile Files

Raging Against the Outrageous. Laughter and Insanity Abound.

D.I.M. (Do It Myself)

Posted by Exile on July 22, 2007

My good lady is good at many things. One of them is finding things for me to do. It is absolutely teeming it down with rain in this land right now, and there is no sign of it letting up. I can’t be expected to go out into the garden in this weather, so I obviously need something to do indoors. At least, she thinks so. The big question is, or should I say, was, what?

Well, she found something. Repaint the living space and buy new doors for the house.

The painting bit will be easy enough. Buy paint and start at one end. A couple of days with covered furniture and paint spotted clothing is simple enough. No biggie. But doors?

The old doors aren’t in bad shape. They are merely “old”. They look “old”. Painting them won’t change that. No. We must have new, modern-looking doors. No patina. No dents.

So off to the builders merchants and see what’s available. Having measured the doors, we found we needed two doors of 72.5 cm width, and one of 82.5. The style was not up for discussion. “Finlanda” was her chosen preference. So Finlanda it had to be. They were even on offer at one of the local builders merchant stores. No excuses, Exile, off you go. Get doors.

If only these places lived up to their ads, one wouldn’t have to worry. But alack and alas, all is not so. I went to the aforementioned merchant and discovered to my horror that they only had them in 72.5 cm. The 82.5’s were sold out. They had other doors in both dimensions but I know better than to go home without Finlanda doors. My life would be as good as over. What now, Exile?

Luckily, there are more than one merchant in the area. So off to number two. They had Finlanda doors. Same price as the last place. Which made me think, “But they were “on offer” over there at the other store. Who is bullshitting me now?” Mental note to me from me; Don’t shop at the other place. Anyhow, enlightened and envigoured by my good fortune, I began to gather doors. I found one in 82.5 and one in 72.5. But I need two of the latter.

What does one do? OK, I could buy these two here and go back to the first place and get one of the two I found over there, or I could perhaps see if there was an acceptable alternative version here in the required amount and size. I found a good alternative. Not exactly Finlanda, but acceptable. But no. These were all sold out of 82.5’s as well.

By now I had lifted and sorted about 200 doors in the various merchants I had visited and I was, frankly, a bit fed up with the whole affair. Not to mention, knackered…

I was about to give up and leave to think about the whole situation in the pub, when one of the merchant’s personnel came up to me and asked what I was looking for. Explaining what I needed he said, “No problem. I have a shed load of ’em outside in the big storeroom. Come with me.”, and promptly led the way. I thought, “Why doesn’t he fill the shelves up then and save me all this bother?” but decided to keep my big mouth shut.

Within two minutes I had exactly what I needed. All three doors, six sets of hinges and a big old bill to pay.carpenter.jpg

Of course, I completely forgot to get door handles, sandpaper, paintbrushes, paintrollers, a roller tray, thinners, strippers, tape and polythene. But hey, I know the guy at the builders merchant store now, so no problem.

Now. How the hell do I hang a bloody Finlanda door….?

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