The Exile Files

Raging Against the Outrageous. Laughter and Insanity Abound.

Archive for August 23rd, 2007

Bite Me!

Posted by Exile on August 23, 2007

I have few natural enemies. This is because I live in a country where there are no major predators or poisonous animals that can harm me. I don’t need to worry about being eaten by lions or tigers or the like, and you don’t see many large wild animals roaming the streets of Copenhagen these days. I am not likely to be attacked by some hungry animal. Or am I?

Hungry animals come in all shapes and sizes. One I have a great deal of dislike for is a vampirical animal which is hard to spot and even harder to avoid. The mosquito. The veritable blood sucking demon curse of our time. They love me. If you put me on a desert island in the middle of a vast ocean, some mozzie from a far away country will put its nose into the wind and catch my scent somehow. It will then fly half way around the world to come and bite me. It will fly past everybody else. It is me it is interested in biting. I am the number one favourite food for all the mosquitoes of the world. No one is as tasty as I, as far as mosquitoes are concerned. If I ever met the genie with the three wishes, the first wish would be that all the mosquitoes in the world had never been born or even existed. That is how much I hate them. They plague me. I am bitten on a regular basis, and it isn’t just the itching that gets me. It’s the swelling up of the bitten appendage. I have a real bad reaction to being bitten by mosquitoes.

myg.jpgRight now I am suffering from a mosqito bite on my right buttock. Yes, laugh if you will, my wife thinks it’s funny too. Not only does it itch, it is badly enflamed and swollen and just sitting down is, frankly, uncomfortable. The damn mozzie got me last night while I was asleep. I must have kicked off the duvet and bared my behind for the little blood sucking creature. The result really is a pain in the ass. I asked my dear wife to suck out the poison but for some strange reason, she declined. I told her that I would gladly bite her in the butt and suck like a leech if she so asked but that didn’t really have any effect on her, nor did it change her stance on the matter.

Luckily we don’t have to worry about malaria here, or other insect borne diseases that are spread by the female mosquito, for it is she that bites. Male mosquitoes live off plant juice. Females, on the other hand, will just suck the blood out of you.


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