The Exile Files

Raging Against the Outrageous. Laughter and Insanity Abound.

Toeing the Line

Posted by Exile on April 13, 2008

Spring is definitely in the air. My dear lady has turned her attention to the garden. Not that she is doing anything out there, but I can see my “to do” list getting longer by the hour. Today was “putting up the new washing line day”. I was sent off to the builders merchants last week to buy a new, wooden, highly complicated and heavy washing line thingy. It consists of two gallows like structures which, when assembled, resemble the crosses on Golgotha hill. One requires the use of a hammer, a screwdriver, a spanner and a spade to get the thing fully assembled and standing.

I would have thought that just stretching a rope from the house to the tree in the garden would suffice to hang washing on. But no. That would not do, as far as the long haired and lovely one is concerned. It isn’t esthetic enough. It isn’t proper. No. I have to go out and build the bloody ark to get the job done. Oh well, such is life around the shack.

cross Actually it didn’t take that long. The construction of the two crosses went reasonably well. The only complaint I have with the construction kit is that the screws had a weird hole in the top for which one needs a special bit or screwdriver, that I annoyingly do not possess, which is not included in the bloody assembly kit. Which means one has to go back to the builders merchants and find one that fits ones electric screwdriver. Or, as in my case, one has to be lucky enough to have some long screws lying about that have standard heads on ’em. I now have some long screws that I will probably never use because I don’t have the tool necessary to drive them in. I feel slightly cheated.

Right then, two crosses. Bring on the christians.

The next phase, is the digging of holes. It has rained here for months. The earth is wet and heavy. Determined that these things will last for some time, I needed to go down about a half metre into the soil. Hard work, but luckily over with in a relatively short space of time. Planting the uprights was a simple chore. Then fill the earth in around the pole in the hole and hey presto, it’s up. Four hooks placed in the cross bars of each of the crosses holds the line.

Proudly, I called upon the resident lady of the house to admire my handiwork. “Good.” she said. And with a toss of her head, she disappeared back into the house. Good? I wanted something like “Well done. Wonderful. Thank you.” I wanted praise and adulation. Good? Bloody marvelous is my interpretation of the result, but there you are. I’ll have to make do with “good”. Muttering about the lack of appreciation, I packed up all my tools and tramped off to the woodshed.

That’s me done for the day. I have provided my wife with a place to hang the washing to dry and a place for the birds to congregate. I hope that both my good lady and the sparrows will appreciate my hard work.

Actually, I’m feeling altogether pleased with myself. Job well done. Time for a well deserved pipe and a scotch.

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