The Exile Files

Raging Against the Outrageous. Laughter and Insanity Abound.

Archive for November 7th, 2008

How Much Wood Could a Woodchuck Chop…?

Posted by Exile on November 7, 2008

Short answer; I don’t have a clue. But I know how much I have to and as I usually end up ruining myself for a week every year by sawing and chopping my way through all the pallets that carried my winter firewood, I could use a woodchuck or two myself. No matter how much, or little, they could chop for me. The whole process of reducing this packing to kindling usually leaves me sweating, panting and worn out. Not to mention the thousands of splinters that always get stuck in my hands. This year I decided to get mechanical. You know – power tools! My manual labour days are over! I have an electric chain saw, but that is a bit too vicious and unwieldy for firewood. I needed a hand held circular saw. Off then, to the builders suppliers.

One expects to have to pay a bit for a good saw, so buying a power saw of any kind was going to be expensive. So I thought. But not so. My local builders merchants have a selection of small hand held circular saws up for offer. I went off bargain hunting. I found one too. Prices vary, they say, but this was a good buy. Having looked at all the big names, I finally found a saw for less than half what I would pay for the deluxe Black and Decker. I don’t need the deluxe model anyway. After all, I’m going to cut firewood, not build a mahogany table or anything like that. I’m no carpenter. A word of advice for all would be buyers; always inspect the contents of the box before leaving the shop. There’s nothing worse than getting home and finding you miss something vital. Having satisfied myself that all was in order, I hurried home to get started.

lumberjackAfter listening to all the usual warnings from the long haired one about keeping my fingers and such out of the way of the blade, I got set up in the garden. Being a bit short of time today, I decided to limit myself to one pallet now and the rest later in the week. Arming myself with a jemmy, an axe and my trusty new saw, I got stuck in to it. Easing the thin planks away from the pallet superstructure was easy and then I prepared a makeshift bench of the pallets themselves. Hooking up my new saw I gingerly made the first cut.
WOW! See those splinters and sawdust fly! This is living, folks. Easy peasy! I’m a lumberjack and I’m alright…. Well, not really, but you get the picture.
My dear lady wife looked on in awe, or was it disbelief (?) and hovered worriedly around the first aid box.

Very soon, I had a heap of firewood and enough kindling for the entire winter. I used my wheel barrow to cart it off to the woodshed. Even the dogs joined in, barking ecstatically every time I started the saw and running round my feet while trying to catch the sawdust. What normally takes me a couple of hours of blood, sweat and cursing was done in next to no time. And I still have all my fingers.

I couldn’t help thinking, I should have done this years ago….!!


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