The Exile Files

Raging Against the Outrageous. Laughter and Insanity Abound.

Archive for December, 2009

Christmas Tree 2009

Posted by Exile on December 28, 2009

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Not the biggest tree we’ve ever had but one of the prettiest.

I’m a bit of a nutcase when it comes to the tree. It has to be big. Floor to ceiling and big enough round to hide all the presents that collect underneath it.

The dogs used it to hide under as well.

My wife usually takes on the foreboding task of decorating it and always does it well.

This one will stand here for the twelve days of Christmas and will be gone again by evening time on the 6th of January. Yep. Christmas lasts twelve days. I have no idea why.

I hope you all got the presents you wanted, some you didn’t expect and all of the things that you needed.

For a non-Christian, I like Christmas. We all need the break and the winter solstice deserves celebrating. The shortest day has come and gone, the days will begin to lengthen now.

Which is why Christmas is where it is on the calendar. The Christians wouldn’t have had a chance if they hadn’t replaced the pagan winter feast with something similar.

I don’t know about you, but I’m looking forward to Spring.

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Unlucky Break

Posted by Exile on December 20, 2009

We were looking forward to my dear wife’s birthday. All our plans were laid for the shopping trip to gather the necessary things for dinner and guests, the celebration with her parents and the last of the Christmas shopping. Before turning in for the night my wife decided the dogs needed a last walk. So, wrapped up in her winter clothes, she ventured off into the snow clad evening. Which was all OK until she arrived back at the house. Missing her footing on the way up the steps, she slipped and landed face first on the concrete. Bleeding, crying and spitting shards of broken teeth, she staggered into the house. Not surprisingly, she had suffered a little damage, breaking two upper front teeth and splitting her lip where her teeth had been forced through the skin.

And so it was, to add to all the other things that have gone wrong for us in 2009, we ended up in the hospital at a little over midnight and waited there for over an hour for a doctor. The doctor was of no help at all. “We never sew lips.” was the only response that years of medical training could come up with. Home again.

I didn’t sleep well. Nor did my wife, but she managed to fall asleep in the wee hours and I resolutely rose from my bed and waited for the dentist surgery to open. I rang them the minute they opened at eight in the morning. Explaining the accident and describing the damage to my dentist, he promptly cleared his calendar and made room for my dear lady at 10.00.

By 11.00 we were out of the surgery and on our way to the shops. My wife has a fat lip that looks like something out of a Hollywood plastic surgery. Drinking is a hit and miss affair due to the swelling but her teeth look good. The lip will heal but it puts a damper on her birthday celebrations.

Hopefully, this is the last bit of bad luck for this year. I have to believe that 2010 is going to be a whole lot better!

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Laying Down With Dogs

Posted by Exile on December 14, 2009

I’m sure you all know the phrase, “Lay down with dogs and you wake up with fleas.” Said in other words, beware the company you keep. Our two Dachshunds keep us in very good company. Especially now, where the nights are getting cooler and sleeping in their beds on the floor may not offer them the comfort to which they have become accustomed. Which leads to some pretty strange nocturnal shenanigans going on at the shack in which we all abide.

It isn’t so much that we lay down with them, it’s more them laying down with us. They absolutely love sleeping in the same bed as we do. Preferably, in the middle of the bed. Between us. And they are very fond of pillows too. Which all means, that it gets crowded at the top end of the bed at night. So much so, that I sometimes have to simply do an about turn and end up sleeping with my head at the foot end of the bed.

This has nothing to do with me being sentimental with regard to the dogs. No. It is all physics. Gravity, to be precise.

I am heavier than the dogs. This means that I, being of the size I am, cause a deeper depression in the mattress than the dogs do. They, being the shape they are, then roll inexorably downhill and end up in my armpit. Or jammed solidly up against my back. They are wire haired. That itches. I move away. the dogs roll further downhill. I move again. So do they. I fall out of bed. They don’t. They now have my side of the bed to themselves. If I try to sleep in the middle of the bed, then i am eventually squashed between my good lady on the one side and dogs on the other. Yes. I’m heavier than my wife too. So she gets to roll downhill as well. My case is hopeless. I am, as they say, undone. The solution is my 180 degree flip. Isaac Newton, eat your heart out.

The good thing about all this is, that my feet stay warm. The dogs are delightfully warm. Electric blankets are no match for those two and it’s cheaper by far, electricity prices being what they are thanks to the bloody social demofarts and their bloody green taxes on everything good, modern, useful and comforting.

And the fleas? No. Between the baths, the constant combing and the flea drops, the dogs are pest free.

I’m not so sure about me though….

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