The Exile Files

Raging Against the Outrageous. Laughter and Insanity Abound.

Laying Down With Dogs

Posted by Exile on December 14, 2009

I’m sure you all know the phrase, “Lay down with dogs and you wake up with fleas.” Said in other words, beware the company you keep. Our two Dachshunds keep us in very good company. Especially now, where the nights are getting cooler and sleeping in their beds on the floor may not offer them the comfort to which they have become accustomed. Which leads to some pretty strange nocturnal shenanigans going on at the shack in which we all abide.

It isn’t so much that we lay down with them, it’s more them laying down with us. They absolutely love sleeping in the same bed as we do. Preferably, in the middle of the bed. Between us. And they are very fond of pillows too. Which all means, that it gets crowded at the top end of the bed at night. So much so, that I sometimes have to simply do an about turn and end up sleeping with my head at the foot end of the bed.

This has nothing to do with me being sentimental with regard to the dogs. No. It is all physics. Gravity, to be precise.

I am heavier than the dogs. This means that I, being of the size I am, cause a deeper depression in the mattress than the dogs do. They, being the shape they are, then roll inexorably downhill and end up in my armpit. Or jammed solidly up against my back. They are wire haired. That itches. I move away. the dogs roll further downhill. I move again. So do they. I fall out of bed. They don’t. They now have my side of the bed to themselves. If I try to sleep in the middle of the bed, then i am eventually squashed between my good lady on the one side and dogs on the other. Yes. I’m heavier than my wife too. So she gets to roll downhill as well. My case is hopeless. I am, as they say, undone. The solution is my 180 degree flip. Isaac Newton, eat your heart out.

The good thing about all this is, that my feet stay warm. The dogs are delightfully warm. Electric blankets are no match for those two and it’s cheaper by far, electricity prices being what they are thanks to the bloody social demofarts and their bloody green taxes on everything good, modern, useful and comforting.

And the fleas? No. Between the baths, the constant combing and the flea drops, the dogs are pest free.

I’m not so sure about me though….

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