The Exile Files

Raging Against the Outrageous. Laughter and Insanity Abound.

The Danish Chronicals

Posted by Exile on April 13, 2012

Forgive what you might believe is a mis-spelling of chronicles. I really do mean chronicals. However, the two things may be related in my strange perception of society.

I just read a statistical health report on our present society and, to my absolute surprise, I found out that one third of the population is chronically ill. One third..? Good heavens! We’re doomed!

One wonders what became of the gene pool that was the Vikings. Norsemen, the pillaging and raping, plundering and vicious conquerors of the Northern hemisphere. From North America to Moscow, from Iceland and Greenland down to North Africa, their achievements were staggering. According to the Irish Chronicles, the Vikings were a tough lot. But now? Hagar wouldn’t have a chance.

So what are these chronic diseases that are currently ravaging the populace?

The list is impressive and depressing.

Heart disease
Muscle and skeletal disease
Asthma and allergies
Chronic obstructive lung disease
Mental illness (Schizophrenia, affected behaviour and personality disorder)

Luckily, I don’t appear to be suffering from any one of the above because a.) I am made of sterner stuff and b.) I’m a Brit. But OK, if I was loony in some way, how would I know?
(According to the voices in my head, I’m OK, so we’ll stick with that for now).

imageSo imagine, if you will, the Vikings of today wading ashore after rowing across the North Sea and landing in Newcastle. Eric the Red, breathless and wheezing from asthmatic chronic obstructive lung disease croaks orders to his depressed, rheumatic and arthritic band of followers. They are hobbling up the beach on crutches, inhalers at the ready, some clutching Mars bars to keep the old blood/sugar ratios at normal. Pills and potions all over the shore.
The schizophrenics refuse to leave the safety of the longboats and a few of the more disturbed are discussing which internal voices to obey because they aren’t really sure if Old Eric truly is Eric, while the crack demented assault group are wandering off in varying directions depending on where they think they are. Not so much debauchery and destruction, more debacle and desperation.

Not exactly the conquering heroes of olden days. 

I wonder where it all went wrong…..


One Response to “The Danish Chronicals”

  1. Sus said

    HAHAHA LOVE IT :-)… But really I think it’s all the propaganda and hate speach of the elitist “Spelt-Abusers” that have taken over. It can’t be that bad? I mean,I have to jump for my life in the Dog forest, as it is slowly but surely being taken over by mountain bikers and people running from god knows what!…pretty soon we will be told to keep the dogs on a leash even there, or risk public scolding for our selfish and ruthless behaviour…GOD I HATE those Spelt-Abusers!…Latest crazy whim is they want us to eat “stone-age” food!.. As if the so called “New Nordic Kitchen” isn’t bad enough???..I went for a wine tasting evening including a Gourmet dinner…bloody hell! There was so much “grassy, turnipsy and general root food” that I started looking for the poor beasts whos food we must have been stealing, And I payed for that?? Completely forgot to enjoy the taste of the wine, I was too busy making sure I didn’t break all my teeth!…..

    Ahh, this felt good! Rant over 🙂

    And what a great rant it was too. Thanks. It all adds to the discussion. Yep I hate the health nuts who are taking over the tranquility of the woods and turning it into a sports arena where both I and my dogs aren’t allowed to walk in peace. I have a terrible tendency to wait until they are real close behind me, ready to overtake and then suddenly reach out with one arm, point at something vague and say “Hey, what’s that?”. So far I’ve downed two cyclists and a couple or three runners. I do this on the street too, when skateboarders and other such high speed nonpedestrians are using the pavement. Try it for yourself. Please!

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